Friday, April 10, 2009

~Just some Sparks~

Some sparks are in my head .. that are about me
(( as none of us come with directions or a phamlet )
Had a short chat yesterday during the day about guilt ..
the nicest thing this stranger really said to me was
"You have nothing to feel guity about !"
then went on to mention playing "The guilt Card"
how dangerous it is to play .. humm ..
well that sat with me .. sparked me deep
funny thing about guilt .. those that feel it really feel it .. and know the empty alone darkness .. of it ..
For those that do not have a clue to this emotion please understand ahh feel safe and know
true feelings of guilt are not about putting it on another because the guilt one is going thru
at any said moment is so personal and deeply felt ..
trust me I know .. I have been fighting guilt most of life .. various things really .. but its my guilt no ones else ..
no I am not your mother .. family member or what ever.......
In fact as one matures one of the hardest lessons one can learn is to take responsibilities for
YOUR own feeling IE it is
No one Else's fault . now for me "guilt" often. its over something I think I did wrong or think
or fear I shall do wrong .. sigh .. its an endless awful mind thing ..
Fear is big .. feeling guilt for experienced Fear .. its the darkest one of all !! No one likes a coward
((something I do not think I am by the way but something that haunts me ..
IE Guilt of what could be . would be one .. following the drift here ??? ))
What if is a huge big bad mind game ..
and really I am just learning to declare it a complete waist of my time ..
Hugs to a really dear friend for helping me with that one :)
For I just can not What if the day away anymore ..
Perhaps if a person thinks they feel guilt from another
then they should look in the mirror at what is making them feel that guilt '''
Deal with your own guilt .. don't dump it on another (( ha ! that does sounds like an old George Carlin Riff ))
Yes that makes perfect sense because here is the deal ..
People can hurt , harm and words can cut .actions thoughtless or perhaps well thought out speak louder then any words,
but no one can make another feel ahh guilty .. angry sure .. and some of that anger I wonder sometimes about a great deal as well ..
I am learning something the hardest way I know .. still !!! Good will rise above evil every time .. What one thinks is not always right ..
What one knows sometimes its best to keep it to yourself .
Kindness walks and toes the line ... Worry doubt and fear ..
still three of the most destructive traits I know ..
Tell ya what I am going to do... I am going to have a good day today and I think the day after too .. that's the best
I can do for now
ah yes and wish the very same for others i treasure so much
I have never tried to change another person in my life and I am not going to start now ..
but I am always trying to be a better person funny how that works

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